Gratitude Practice 9 of 12 ⋆ Fabienne S. Morgana

Image of a delicate pink rose in bloom. — Mother’s Love rose

Gratitude Practice: third week of third chemo cycle (leading up to the final chemo).

This was it! The week prior to the final chemo! I was so grateful to finally be staring at the final infusion. This gratitude practice had become one of anchors each day.

There was still had another month of the worst of it to get through, but the end really was in sight. I had told my oncologist that I was factoring in three weeks post-chemo before I considered myself done and he was relieved. He said that lots of people just thought of the last chemo infusion as their end date, and then psychologically, it was much harder to deal with the aftermath.

I had set my finish date as November 11th, which was three weeks post chemo, although I was really considering December as my first month post chemo.

Black text, cream background.
One thing you realise when you have an illness that seriously affects your energy levels is that *everything* takes energy.
Not just the obvious things like moving about but other stuff like digesting food, filtering sensory information, making decisions and staying positive. — I honestly don’t think anyone who has not been in this situation understands. There is tired, there is sick from the flu, then there is the kind of fatigue from chronic illness that is next level.

Chemo Round Three of Four, Week Three, Day One (Day 57 of 85).

“Gratitude is a quality similar to electricity: It must be produced and discharged and used up in order to exist at all.”

William Faulkner

Embroidered message with flourish: Chemo can kiss my hairless ass. — Yes. Yes, you lose hair *everywhere*.

Chemo Round Three of Four, Week Three, Day Two (Day 58 of 85).

“Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.”

William Arthur Ward

Zandashé l'orelia brown @zandashe

I dream of never being called resilient again in my life.
I'm exhausted by strength. I want support. I want softness. I want ease. I want to be amongst kin. Not patted on the back for how well I take a hit. Or for how many. — When I read this, I felt it to my very core. People talk a lot at you when you have cancer – about strength, resilience, positivity. It is because they don’t know what to say.

Chemo Round Three of Four, Week Three, Day Three (Day 59 of 85).

“Be grateful in your own hearts. That suffices. Thanksgiving has wings, and flies to its right destination.”

Victor Hugo

Two cats on their hind legs, licking a glass window.
Text reads: my two brain cells getting ready to make a decision.

Chemo Round Three of Four, Week Three, Day Four (Day 60 of 85).

“One can never pay in gratitude; one can only pay ‘in kind’ somewhere else in life.”

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Image of the number 15 in a house number on a sandstone building. — 15 weeks post-surgery! Interestingly, I realised once I was finished chemo, I stopped being as aware of how many weeks it had been since surgery; clearly, all forms of measurement were important in moving through the experience, and not so much afterwards.

Chemo Round Three of Four, Week Three, Day Five (Day 61 of 85).

“In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.”

Albert Schweitzer

Image from Tom & Jerry cartoons of Tom letting in two other tough cats. Tom is labeled Me, the tough cats are labelled Chemo and the heading reads The cancer of there. Tom is pointing to something inside the house, directing the tough cats. — Ultimately, chemo is a choice. It was the right choice for me, not regrets, despite the deficits I am still dealing with, but it may not be the appropriate choice for everyone.

Chemo Round Three of Four, Week Three, Day Six (Day 62 of 85).

“Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul.”

Henry Ward Beecher

Top image is of a sign on a traffic cone reading "covid-19 testing in the rear" with an arrow.
Bottom image is Baby Yoda looking alarmed with the text: "What happened to nasal swabs?!?!?!" — I had to get a PCR every time before chemo: we used to go to a drive through test centre, and once I was bald, they would always fast track me through if there was a queue once they knew it was for chemo. I was always grateful for that.

Chemo Round Three of Four, Week Three, Day Seven (Day 63 of 85).

“No one who achieves success does so without the help of others. The wise and confident acknowledge this help with gratitude.”

Alfred North Whitehead

Smiling seal, text reads "When your covid test is negative". — My test had to be negative to receive my chemo. At this ppijnt, I just wanted the last chemo over and done with!

SELF CHECKS

Ensure that you are vigilant around your self-examination. Train yourself to check your breasts/testicles routinely, and monitor your bowel habits and your urine output. These are our body’s early warning signs, and we don’t have a lot of awareness of them.

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Gratitude Practice 9 of 12

Gratitude Practice: third week of third chemo cycle (leading up to the final chemo).

Chemo Round Three of Four, Week Three, Day One (Day 57 of 85).

Chemo Round Three of Four, Week Three, Day Two (Day 58 of 85).

Chemo Round Three of Four, Week Three, Day Three (Day 59 of 85).

Chemo Round Three of Four, Week Three, Day Four (Day 60 of 85).

Chemo Round Three of Four, Week Three, Day Five (Day 61 of 85).

Chemo Round Three of Four, Week Three, Day Six (Day 62 of 85).

Chemo Round Three of Four, Week Three, Day Seven (Day 63 of 85).

SELF CHECKS

RELATED BLOG POSTS

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Gratitude Practice: third week of third chemo cycle (leading up to the final chemo).

Chemo Round Three of Four, Week Three, Day One (Day 57 of 85).

Chemo Round Three of Four, Week Three, Day Two (Day 58 of 85).

Chemo Round Three of Four, Week Three, Day Three (Day 59 of 85).

Chemo Round Three of Four, Week Three, Day Four (Day 60 of 85).

Chemo Round Three of Four, Week Three, Day Five (Day 61 of 85).

Chemo Round Three of Four, Week Three, Day Six (Day 62 of 85).

Chemo Round Three of Four, Week Three, Day Seven (Day 63 of 85).

SELF CHECKS

RELATED BLOG POSTS

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