Site icon Fabienne S. Morgana

Saturday 15th May 2021 (Cancer Journal 5)

Image of number 5 in a rainbow, geometric prism style.

Cancer Journal 5

What I shared on Facebook on Saturday 15th May 2021 as my Cancer Journal Number 5.

These cancer journals were my ongoing strategy of keeping people up to date without having to share the same information again and again. I would write, and then I would get specific friends to act as beta readers, and that was helpful. Afterwards, I would post to Facebook, send the same message by email, What’s App, SMS, etc. It saved a lot of emotional energy for me, and that was becoming vital.

Full Moon

Tomorrow, 2:14 pm Australian EST, the Moon peaks again. Try to pop outside tonight and appreciate the beauty of the Full Moon.

Beauty, awe, wonder, kindness, and gratitude; in summary, these things helped me get through the last year.

⭐ Cancer Journal ⭐

Saturday 15th May 2021 (5)

CEM found lumps in my left breast.

My specialist called me this morning with the results from the CEM (Contrast Enhanced Mammogram).

The CEM results show an additional small lump in the left breast that he wants to do a biopsy on.

This is the opposite side of the two cancer tumours that have already been formally diagnosed to date.

Next steps

He will call me Monday after he arranges for that biopsy to happen.

Fortuitously, I had already taken the week off.

I was hoping to transition into the treatment phase after my appointment with him upcoming this Thursday (20th May 2021).

However, we’ve cancelled that appointment, and most likely will now be the last week of May before I know what the treatment plan is.

Today, I cancelled my plans to visit a friend and pick up some armchairs,  and I have breathed through those moments of unmitigated panic. I promptly cried so hard on my housemate that their hoodie was tear-stained.

This is despite comprehending the overview: that it’s all been detected early, that I have confidence in my specialist, and that this is curable at this stage.

Introducing the Brian brain

One of my work colleagues nicknamed what I have always referred to as my lizard brain, my crocodile brain, or my dinosaur brain, Brian. It’s a strategy they use for those kinds of flight/ fight / fuck / freeze response, and it’s been super helpful today, actually, so I must make a point of thanking them.

Brian was wigging out and just needed some time to calm the fuck down.

Amygdela flood or hijack

Amygdala flood or hijack takes 24 hours to flush from your system. Today, Brian gave me an amygdala flood.

Consequently, I have retreated into my safe space of the house, surrounded by cats, messaging friends, and using social media to ground and centre.

Lots of fluids, heater on, and will spend some time with the devotionals tonight.


❗ I have “pinned” the post with the announcement about my diagnosis and the boundaries I want to work with: so if this post is the first you have seen, please refer to that pinned post.

🌟This is the fifth of my Cancer Journal entries, if you are interested in the others, look for the stars and the title at the top.

⭐ Be kind, Gentle Creatures, tend your gardens, take time to eat the roses, and walk your boundaries.

✅ Check your breasts, check your testicles.

Tulips from my dentist to say thank you for the Google review I wrote them.

Self checks

Ensure that you are vigilant around your self-examination. Train yourself to check your breasts/testicles routinely, and monitor your bowel habits and your urine output. These are our body’s early warning signs, and we don’t have a lot of awareness of them.

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