Wednesday 12th May 2021 (Cancer Journal 4)

fabiennesmorgana

11 months ago

Image of number 4 in a rainbow, geometric prism style.

What I shared on Facebook on Wednesday, 12th May 2021 as my Cancer Journal Number 4.

These cancer journals were my ongoing strategy of keeping people up to date without having to share the same information again and again. I would write, and then I would get specific friends to act as beta readers, and that was helpful. Then I would post to Facebook, send the same message by email, What’s App, SMS, etc. It saved a lot of emotional energy for me, and that was becoming vital.

Reading back over these posts, it hits me, in hindsight, about how bad the fatigue was and how much pain I was actually in. This was the first time I had shared publicly how bad it was. It was a big step for me. My wellness team all think that the best explanation we can come up with is how cancer exacerbated fibromyalgia.

I have found out that May 12th is Fibromyalgia Day, which seems apt.

Additionally, May 12th is International Nurses Day: I have a lot of nurses in my family and friends, but also, nurses have been so amazing throughout my cancer experience. Appreciate the nurses in your lives everyday, but maybe go the extra mile today.

⭐ Cancer Journal ⭐

Wednesday 12th May 2021 (4)

Honestly?

The last four days have been crap.

Sick

I have been sick, triggered by a new medication, rolled into a three day migraine, and tonight I’m having a fibro flare.

Work

I worked today – and whilst I love the work I am currently doing, and am so grateful to be working from home whilst I juggle all this shit, I kind of also just want time at the moment.. time to see friends and to move, and to do what one friend refers to as life admin.

Not asking for advice

Again, not asking for advice, just sharing.

This is something that I will think about more consciously once I have dates for starting treatment.

Fatigue

The fatigue is such that after an 8 hr day, I have nothing in the tank. It’s been taking me the weekends to recover – which means packing isn’t happening, neither is mopping the floors even. My housemate did the vacuuming for me today because it was driving me batty, and I just didn’t have, and haven’t had, the energy to do it myself.

I get overwhelmed easily, and I’m not liking planning or committing on the weekends, because I can’t rely upon my health.

Doing anything after work is pretty much out of the question.

I cannot emphasise enough… this is not just tired.

Fatigue is completely different.

The pain and the aches from fibro are like the worst flu you have ever had, and the fatigue makes it difficult to communicate, it makes you forgetful, and you can’t take information in terribly well… I kind of feel like I have kissed my executive function goodbye.

The fatigue was the thing that gave me the heads up; because it was worse than my normal fibro fatigue usually is, and my normal management strategies weren’t working.

I’ve spoken to a few friends who have had or currently have cancer, and they all say the same thing about insidious fatigue.

Transparency

It’s hard to be honest about that kind of shit, right?

Be kind

So.. be kind.
To yourself, to others, because mostly, we put on a brave face.

Reminder about boundaries

I have pinned the post with the announcement about my diagnosis and the boundaries I want to work with to the top of my page, so if this post is the first you have seen, please refer to that pinned post.

This is the forth of my Cancer Journal entries, if you are interested in the others, look for the stars and the title at the top (links available at end of this post).

Be kind, Gentle Creatures, tend your gardens, take time to eat the roses, and walk your boundaries.

Check your breasts, check your testicles.

Self checks

Ensure that you are vigilant around your self-examination. Train yourself to check your breasts/testicles routinely, and monitor your bowel habits and your urine output. These are our body’s early warning signs, and we don’t have a lot of awareness of them.