Gratitude Practice 3 of 12

fabiennesmorgana

10 months ago

Gratitude for beauty.
“I care not for these ladies, That must be wooed and prayed; Give me kind Amaryllis, The wanton country maid. nature art disdaineth; Her beauty is her own.”

— Thomas Campion

Orange amaryllis in flower. — Gratitude for beauty.
“I care not for these ladies, That must be wooed and prayed; Give me kind Amaryllis, The wanton country maid. nature art disdaineth; Her beauty is her own.”

— Thomas Campion

Gratitude Practice 3 of 12: the third week after my first chemo, the end of my first cycle.

This post, and the ones hereafter, will be focused on the daily gratitude quotes that I was using to meditate on, as opposed to sharing my daily gratitude roundup. I will share bits and pieces here and there.

If anyone wants to share any of their favourite quotes – stick them in the comments!

I lost most of my head hair this week and the fatigue, pain, cognitive and vestibular issues had eased a little, bowel function was normal. That is one of the big ticket items for me, everyone is different – I don’t cope well emotionally or mentally with vomiting or bowel issues. I was very clear with my Wellness Team about this, so they could make sure we managed it.

I don’t recommend suffering in silence. It’s pointless, and compromises your ability to heal and recover.

Gratitude Practice: Chemo Round One of Four, Week Three, Day One (15).

“Attention is the doorway to gratitude, the doorway to wonder, the doorway to reciprocity.”

Robin Wall Kimmerer

I was sitting in the sun, and my scalp suddenly felt like it prickled and crawled. My thought was “that’s my hair letting go”. That night in the shower, about two-thirds of my hair came out (as you can see). I had already buzzed my hair prior to surgery, and had gone from below waist length hair to shoulder length even prior to that – but still, it is confronting. It is symbolic of the fact that you are now really sick.

Chemo Round One of Four, Week Three, Day Two (16).

“In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.”

Khalil Gibran

People want to be reassured, but it’s exhausting. I was very up-front about my treatment and the impact because I feel we need more transparency, better models, and people who aren’t sick need to learn how to do better in their interactions with people who are ill or differently abled.

Chemo Round One of Four, Week Three, Day Three (17).

“For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.”

Carl Sagan – Contact, 1985.

I’ve always enjoyed memes, quotes, etc. During chemo they helped – my cognitive function fractured and eroded, I had trouble reading, I had vestibular issues that meant I couldn’t listen to audio of any kind – small bites like this were great kind of mini meditation points.

Chemo Round One of Four, Week Three, Day Four (18).

“The world is full of mystery and magic. We just need to look, listen and believe that wondrous things are still possible.”

Vonnie Winslow Crist

Chemo Round One of Four, Week Three, Day Five (19).

“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nine weeks post surgery. This is the point I would have been able to consider driving again, maybe going back to work. Instead I was just getting ready to face my second chemo, and at that point, I started to get very sick.

Chemo Round One of Four, Week Three, Day Six (20).

“I will reveal to you a love potion, without medicine, without herbs, without any witch’s magic; if you want to be loved, then love” ~ Hecaton of Rhodes (100 BC)

From Prayers To The Gods of Hellas

Gratitude Practice: Chemo Round One of Four, Week Three, Day Seven (21).

1. I’m grateful for the friend that picked me up at 0730 to take me into the CBD for an 0830 appointment, and sat in as my support person in case the news was not what I wanted to hear.

2. I’m grateful that the Plastics review was all positive, and from their perspective, nothing further for 12 months.

3. I’m grateful to my housemate for taking me to get my bloods done and then rushing me off to a covid testing centre because the covid test prior to chemo information had slipped between the cracks. Kicking myself, because I thought about it earlier in the week, and thought… oh no, they would have told me… meh, if that is the worst thing this week holds, I’m grateful.

4. I’m grateful I got out into the sun today.

5. I’m grateful for the multicoloured beanie that a friend of a friend made for me.

You lift your snake-entwined staff, great healer,

And send out healing knowledge.

You know each drug and its effects,

Each technique and when it should be used,

Each symptom and what it means,

Each illness and how to treat it,

Each patient and what to do.

May their hands be yours.

Guide my Wellness Team, and

Grant me Faith, Grace, and Healing.
Adapted from Ceisiwr Serith “A Book of Pagan Prayer”

Be kind, Gentle Creatures – soft eyes, clear vision, open heart, walk gently where you can and harness your rage mindfully when you can’t.

Check your breasts, check your testicles, check your poop / pee / period.

We started to get treats the day before chemo because typically that seemed to be one of my better days. Wound care was ongoing and quality adhesive remover was a vital, daily part of my routine.

SELF CHECKS

Ensure that you are vigilant around your self-examination. Train yourself to check your breasts/testicles routinely, and monitor your bowel habits and your urine output. These are our body’s early warning signs, and we don’t have a lot of awareness of them.