I joke that cancer, especially chemotherapy, was so bad I wrote poetry.
This poem is the third of what ended up being a series of five.
This was written towards the end of chemotherapy.
My family’s killer has found me,
Bring the curse to me
Eldest of my generation.
They slipped into the younger generation
A few years ago and claimed
A family member there.
No magic could save him.
They claimed two of four
In my mother’s generation
Attempted to murder one
Of the two remaining
In gentle defiance.
There was an attempt on my grandmother
It failed but broke her
When her children were killed.
Now it has slipped into my household
I counter with words, science, and magic.
There’s blood, sacrifice, potions, tears.
Ritual knives, research, fears.
A killing curse embedded
In our family lineage.
My turn now to use my magic
Blood ritual, sacrifice,
Fire Elemental work.
Treading the liminal space
Of three distinct treatment phases
Alchemy and Emergence.
©️ Fabienne S. Morgana October 2021
I do hate cancer. This year. I lost three of my mentors to cancer. Your words are true in the poem. A silent killer.
My condolences to you and yours for your loss.
It’s been quite the experience, and I try to never lose sight of how lucky I am (there were so many points that I can identify where the outcome could have so easily been so much worse), and also how incredibly privileged I am to have this experience in the medical capital of my country, with private health insurance, and with an employment situation where I ended up taking 18 months off work, mostly unpaid, and the income protection insurance built into my super that helped me survive. And how blessed I am in terms of the community I have that I wholeheartedly leant into for support.
Regarding your mentors – the cumulative trauma and grief of the loss of three in a year, wow, that’s so painful. I really hope that you have great support and that you are allowed to grieve.
What is Remembered, Lives.
May their memories be a blessing.
Little suppose kind friend. I was a soldier. I lost friends to war and now I learn. Life is war. I did learn. Love and kindness is everything. You are strong and beautiful. Some of us will fall and no-one will notice. Thank you for your kind words. I do appreciate.
Abraham Joshua Heschel — ‘When I was young, I used to admire intelligent people; as I grow older, I admire kind people.’
I honestly have come to think of kindness as one of the highest virtues (Virtue in the philosophical sense, not the Christian morality sense).
Many family members and other Beloveds in the military, and it’s actually partially due to that that I refuse to use warfare terminology for cancer. Complete respect for people who live lives of service and sacrifice: so thank you for your service as well, even though we are in different countries.
You might be surprised who would notice if you fell – prior to my cancer experience, I would never have considered myself to be part of a social network, and yet, I was held and supported to an extent that still awes me.
May ease find you, and may there be some moments of joy and wonder along the way.