Ask for help – then practice gratitude.

fabiennesmorgana

9 months ago

Black background white text that looks like it has been written in chalk: "the BIG support"

When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I had 3 – 5 different Beloveds have serious conversations with me about asking for and accepting help, because apparently, I’m stubbornly independent. Reputedly.

Who knew? (Thanks, it’s the trauma).

I’m funny too – also the trauma.

One or two, I might have disregarded, but I had to reluctantly take on the constructive feedback. It was a significant lesson.

Asking for help

Initially, I googled strategies to express gratitude most effectively, because I would find myself torn between needing the help and being embarrassed to ask, and feeling like a burden.

Then I practiced them – focusing on my Gratitude for the person and my appreciation of their kindness instead of centring on my apologies, my discomfort, my fervent wish that I didn’t need help, and my fears that I was a burden.

It seemed to help.

Today, I’m writing this post because I shared the image above and the writing above on social media today, and a friend commented about how much they needed to hear it.

So I figured that perhaps other people need to hear it too.

Ask for help

You are not a burden.

How to ask for help without feeling guilty

If your circle makes you feel like you are a burden, cultivate an alternative support network.

And then be grateful.

100 ways to thank someone for their time

Ways to thank someone for offering help

Ask for help (you are worthy)

I found this poem just after I was diagnosed, I typed it out and stuck it to my fridge; it was really powerful for me.

Wonder Woman magnet from a friend, Goethe quote magnet from my aunt, and Knowledge magnet from my mother.

“You are worthy of having support.
You are worthy of having true partnership.
You are worthy of love.
You are worthy of having your heart held.
You are worthy to be adored.
You are worthy to be cherished.
You are worthy to have someone say, “You rest. I got this.” And actually deliver on that promise.
You are worthy to receive.
You are worthy to receive.
You are worthy.

You don’t have to earn it.
You don’t have to prove it.
You don’t have to bargain for it.
You don’t have to beg for it.

You are worthy.
WORTHY.
Simply because you exist.”

-Jamila White, @inspiredjamila
Coyote Phoenix

Communication, transparency, and asking for help

My reading when I was diagnosed indicated that isolation was not a positive way to deal with a significant crisis, despite my introverted inclinations towards extreme privacy. So I decided that whatever happened, I would honour the concepts of transparency and communication and I would ask for help.

Ride or die & consent

You can’t however, in my opinion, assume that someone is going to be your ride or die.

You have to obtain informed consent.

I keep finding prompts to write about friendship; but that’s a much bigger piece than just sharing this today (but watch this space / coming soon, lol!).